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EMPLOYED BY LOVE I lost God on the summit of Many intellectual debates on divinity and mysticism at
university had abstracted my faith into a concept of clever words until
there was nothing left. That night I lost God as I'd been brought up
to know God. To my dismay, when the full moon rose cold and distant
over the expanse of grim mountains, it seemed all that was familiar
to me was beyond reach. Feeling essentially alone on that holy mountain,
I experienced a spiritual crisis. In 1986 I was enroute to a
sales presentation when I heard the news reporting the death of this
beautiful 11-year old girl in I chose to quit when my employer demonstrated a complete
lack of compassion for my attendance at Alison’s public memorial service
during work hours. Resolutions born from my experience of Alison’s death
set in motion an evolving series of events. Over 20 years I experienced
the perennial truth in Goethe’s tribute to commitment- “Whatever you
can do, or dream, you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic
in it.” After Alison’s memorial service, I accepted a sales job
at a much larger company. There I met Bill Sheridan, a friend who profoundly
shaped my healing and reeducation path. In 1988 he introduced me to
the then little known Usui Reiki. My emotional
and spiritual healing began. The following year Gestalt Therapy sessions complimented
my personal growth process. I also impulsively bought a house for too
much money, without savings and with someone I didn’t know well; a crazy
decision that taught me the demands of commitment,
developed a resourcefulness I had no idea I possessed, and delivered
me to far away lands. My parents immigrated from After impulsively joining
a friend of my sister on a bicycle trip through the Canadian Rockies
in 1990, she and I naively cycled up to Descending took a full
20 minutes of steady gliding, my hands cramping on the brakes, incredulous
at my achievement all the way down the mountain. My self-doubting, life-limiting
mindset was forever challenged by what can be done if I simply do it.
Soon after buying the house my housemate married, and
with her new husband moved abroad. In 1991 he offered me a plane ticket
to come visit. At the age of 18 I’d heard the melodic word On my stopovers in When Sam shared stories of the struggles and limitations
of daily life in Thailand I recognized that my ability to choose to
educate myself, be single, travel the world solo, change jobs, borrow
money, buy real estate, these were all privileges I took for granted.
Financial struggles of home ownership had prompted identification with
scarcity. The epiphany that I was indeed truly wealthy with choices
granted permission and confidence to reframe my perspective. Trekking in Amidst
this company of strangers We
find Giants rise up from the mist This
place once found only in dreamland Comes
to life each morn with a kiss Of
the sun as it warms every mountain And
dries up the dew on the tents With
the clear Sherpa song that does lead us On a trail where 10,000 footsteps are spent. Within
this company of strangers Burns
a bold shining new light Born
in the Great With our hopes, our dreams and our might. Mile-long, month long philosophical discussions with
the trek leader forged my commitment to train in psychotherapy upon
my return. The last verse foretold of the leap that would be Aziza.
In fact I was reclaiming a long forgotten ambition I’d had when I was
nine. Back in My artistic spirit was rekindled during this time and
I began painting playful, colourful images
of fruits, expressing my deepening joy and gratitude for the beauty
in the mundane. Tuition was covered by a series of sold out solo exhibitions.
Princess Diana died suddenly ten years after Alison,
at the same age I was, 36. Her compassionate example expanded my parameters
for a meaningful life to include making a difference.
With my friend Bill’s urging I discovered Therapeutic
Art summer courses which developed into an Expressive Arts Certificate
taken over five summers on vacation time. My professor encouraged my
Truly Madly Deeply Art and Therapy workshops offered in my home studio
in which I used Gestalt theory to explore the creative exercises. Concurrently
I was writing my Gestalt post graduate thesis; My
workshops provided the clinical data that supported my argument for
the effective healing combination of art and Gestalt therapy. The Millennium heralded my 40th birthday.
To celebrate I embarked on two life-altering sea-kayaking excursions,
in The same year my intuitive friend, Stavroula,
asked me: What would happen if I put all my passions- sea kayaking
and adventure, healing, art, and nature together to create a business
that doesn’t yet exist? Create something that enables people to remember
who they are. Recognition flowed through my body; I wept for the completeness
of the vision, for this answer I’d been seeking and unknowingly training
for all these years. Luckily my mortgage motivated me to remain full
time in Graphic Arts sales and marketing, which translated into an invaluable
18-years of skills invested towards this venture. Aziza Healing Adventures was announced to
friends and family in 2001. I created a new lifestyle, rather than a
job:
The tragedy of 9/11 postponed the first
season of scheduled retreats and provoked doubts about initiating an
international personal growth company at a time of loss and global unrest.
Seemingly frivolous in ambition, I was deeply discouraged. Friends consistently
countered that this healing initiative was needed now more than ever.
For 14 years I juggled my day job while training in Reiki,
Gestalt and Expressive Arts. During the last seven years I facilitated
workshops and retreats on weekends and vacations. The cosmic boot came when my biggest sales client went
bankrupt; without income from the ‘secure’ job I might as well start
my new business full time. Commissioned sales had seasoned me to financial
uncertainty, but nothing could have prepared me for the persevering
courage required for the entrepreneurial journey ahead. Before leaving the graphic arts industry, I had a dream
in which I was on a large boat with my mother, overlooking An ending to the
dream came to me while on the Reiki table: My fall slowed. Looking to
see how I was able to control my landing I noticed I had grown wings.
Still without visible ground under me, the surrounding wall of wave
turned into a stadium filled with tiers of applauding angels encouraging
my endeavour to fly. In Arabic, Aziza is an endearment
meaning beloved, cherished one. It means invincible. Aziza is a benevolent African Faerie race that bestows practical
and spiritual knowledge to humans. Aziza Healing Adventures abbreviates to
AHA, a Gestalt term describing sudden insight. If I build it they will come. I was gifted with a beautifully
designed web site. As the site grew, people from around the world seeking
self-discovery found it. Women and men came to experience who they are
outside the roles that dictate their daily norm; to remember they have
a creative, emotional and physical life; to reconnect to this gorgeous
planet in sacred and special places; to be aware; get clarity; live
authentically. It seems to be working. Distant lands call. Unlikely opportunities came via the
miracle of the Internet. Yaro, a Gestalt therapist
in My first Bali retreat I’m now employed by Love. 9/11 brought a sobering awareness
of the diligence required to attend to residual bitterness and blame.
That tragedy raised the bar towards impeccable leadership; insisted
on combating fear that clips my wings and would have me cling to the
illusion of safety and security; challenging me away from the comfortable
known of home; asking me to grow into the beckoning unknown. Love invites me to trust the free fall. A meaningful
life takes on many forms and I am grateful each day to have heard and
followed this Divine call. Laila
Ghattas, Toronto, copyright 2005 |